Since my last post things deteriorated rapidly. He took so many xenox that he ended up vomiting on the kitchen table while unconcious which blocked his airways and he stopped breathing. I slapped him across the face which made him breath again and I called the hospital but he refused to go. Our 13 year old daughter talked him out of suicide twice – this made me so angry as no child should be subjected to such responsibility. I left with the kids but came back as I felt I shouldn’t be the one leaving our home.
A few horrible days later he fell backwards off the chair and our young son came to tell me daddy was lying on the floor and not moving. He was unconcious again and cold – I thought he was dead. I put him in the recovery position, got him breathing and called an ambulance. By the time they arrived he was concious and they got him sitting up and talked to him. I had sent the kids on a walk with the dog so they wouldn’t witness the ambulance arrive. I had packed bags for me and the kids an hour earlier and had them in the car. So when I walked the ambulance men to the door I closed the door behind me, got in the car, collected the kids and dog on the road and drove to my brother’s house. I didn’t say good bye or give an explanation or make a drama, I left with the commitment to myself not to live with this man again until he stopped drinking for good. Not a threat to him but a commitment to me because I respect myself and value everyday of life. I didn’t know if I ever would see him alive again but if he was going to continue being like this he was as good as dead. However I realised things and events, pass into the past and I knew by the following week this ‘event’ will be in the past but I had to decide if I was going to let it repeat and repeat again and affect my precious life. Life is precious – most partners of alcoholics realise this more than most everyday folk as we try to tell our partners again and again what they are set to loose if they don’t change their ways and how much of life they are missing. Do you do this? I know I have lots. So instead of saying it to him again I said it to myself and take my own advice. If I didn’t change my ways of dealing with this it would just repeat. I can only change my life not his. So I left to protect my kids from any further negative exposure and to do something about my actions.
That was a week ago and it worked! So much hashappened in that week (tell you in detail in the next post!). I am now sitting on the sofa with my husband watching the world cup. Our daughter is reading and our son is drawing a picture of the Universe! My husband has been going through the DTs for 4 days. It’s been hard but I know he wants this to work this time and he is determined not to drink again. There is alot of repair work to be done o our relationship and I am not sure what that will result i, but by making a decision about how I want my life to be (ie. I do not want to live with an alcoholic), he changed. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but today I can truly relax and enjoy this ‘normal’ simple moment.