After he went back to bed this morning I was feeling very aggitated, I found it impossible to work so I forced myself to take some time out for myself. I have been neglecting myself to care for others so I took a long overdue trip to the hairdressers and got my premature grey coloured. I found myself having to take deep breaths at times to ease the sense of panic of feeling I should be at home managing the situation, thinking he would be up and marching the floors looking for drink, but Iforced myself to be selfish and it worked. The hour or two out for myself made me feel better and gather some new strength. When I got home he was still asleep so there was no need for the anxiety.
We got through the day without a suicide threat but now he is getting very drunk quickly by sneaking drink so I am going to bed to avoid confrontation or pointless discussions. Tomorrow is another day.