You have to stop leaving your fate and your happiness in the hands of someone elses actions and behaviour. You have to take 100% responsibility for how your life is going and the path it is taking. You may be feeling that you are suffering the consequences of bad choices, ‘I should never have married him’, ‘I should never had children with him’, ‘I shouldn’t have given him control of the bank account’. These are decisions that you made in the past and the past cannot be changed. You are older now but have you changed? Have you become wiser? You may have become more cunning in dealing with your alcoholic but have you progressed? When I look back on the years of my husband drinking, it just seems years of the same thing, the same routine of crisis management, financial disasters and an all consuming time of constantly trying to control his life and actions while neglecting myself and my life. I was a survivor, at times a martyr for the cause, a warrior, a saint, a strong headed woman. But when I look back on it, all I was, was a fool for not taking real responsibility earlier and as a result living in chaos for years. Do I regret it? No, there is no point in regretting the past, I admire the fact that I eventually did drag my feet out of the sludge and took the hard gallop to a better path – I did this by taking one hundred percent responsibility for my own life.