Response to Alexandra:

It’s strange that you wrote this today of all days. I haven’t tended to this blog which I set up for months. The reason being that my husband has started drinking again and I feel I can’t give advice and optimisim to others when I am finding it hard myself. Like your husband mine started to have a non alcho beer, then shandies then just ordinary beer. Then it was an occassional glass of wine with dinner. now he’s drinking two bottles of port a day plus wine and beer.

He has panic attacks when drink is leaving his system so a doctor has put on xanex again which was part of his addiction when he went into rehab 4 years ago. These with the drink make him spaced and I hate it. he recognises that its back and says he will do something ‘he has a plan’. So far the plan as I see it is to increase the amount of drinking!!

I knew this morning the next step is the depression setting in and sure enough he spent 10 minutes weeping down the phone at me while I was in work. Anyway last night I said no more I took our bank cards as it’s bill time of the month and there isn’t enough to cover everything because he is spending it on drink (it was probably this that made him cry!) but I also called the rehab centre he attended 4 years ago and made an appointment for Friday to go and talk to one of the counsellors who he had a lot of respect for – sometimes bringing in a third element or person can help solve the situation.

My husband too is a wonderful man when not drinking. Is there a counsellor or organisation you can maybe get a meeting with to help point out what’s happening and what action needs to be taken. He’s been through it before so he knows the steps and it seems to have worked for him then.

3 thoughts on “Response to Alexandra:”

  1. Looks like we all have the same story. Promises, promises, promises – and every one broken. They run back to the arms of their true love – alcohol – over and over. It is so hard to watch your loved one self-destruct. I’m living this hell too,
    and it’s very discouraging. My husband just went *almost*
    3 weeks without drinking, and then has a bad day at work and boom! There he is drunk as a skunk again. I wish so much that it were possible to “fix” another person – but I know you can’t. I can’t stop drinking for him. The helplessness of it is a great despair. If it were legal, I’d tie him up and feed him and give him water and never let him go anywhere. But of course I can’t do that. Now I see so clearly why the women wanted prohibition in the old days. I wish alcohol was never invented! I hate it! It is a destroyer of lives.

  2. You have my sympathy. Having the unfortuate bad luck of being married to a violent, aggressive alcoholic I finally left 3 years ago. You need to get away from this man and leave him to his own devices for you and your childrens sake. Accept the fact that you have done everything possible to help this person, and they will not accept help. Until your husband decides to be a strong person and face his problem, your whole family is on a downward spiral, the situation will never improve. Alcoholics can be violent, my now ex-wife stabbed me with kitchen knives in 5 seperate incidents before I left. She did of course visit my new house (only slightly drunk at 9am) begging me to return, making promises she had made a hundred times before. You too need to be strong, I think you have been a metophorical crutch for him to lean on for far too long. Leave the guy with your kid/kids and dog, keep in touch by e-mail or ‘phone, that way you can moniter his progress, if and when your husband is sober 24/7 consider reconcilliation on your terms. GOOD LUCK !

  3. these stories make me so sad as they mirror alot of what i feel in my life. i found out recently that my husband of 20 years has been drinking for most of our marriage, just not in front of me. i NEVER knew,until recently. he started making mistakes and i caught on. his drink of choice is long island iced tea. he buys it by the liter and drinks the entire bottle in the course of 5 days or so. i am very dumb when it comes to drinking because i have never been a drinker. wondering if anyone could give me some insight. i have lots of questions, like is this too much ???? am i overreacting??? what should i do ??? not surprisingly we have other issues in our marriage as well and this is just another issue. recently he got very drunk on 3 different occasions where he fell and hurt himself and was just out of it completely. our children even saw him like this which just breaks my heart. i have lost alot of respect for him because i can’t believe he could keep this from us for so long or that i was just too stupid to see. i would appreciate any help someone could give me.


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