Tree alone in desert

Reaching Rock Bottom

They say that before an alcoholic can reverse their ways they have to reach rock bottom. I think the same goes for the spouse, partner or the loved ones of the alcoholic. My rock bottom was when my husband crashed the car with our one-year-old son in it, I had already decided to leave him earlier that day but the crash gave me the final push and strength I needed to stick by my decision. If it hadn’t happened maybe he would have persuaded me like all the other times that things were going to change. T

he crash stopped me softening to his threats of suicide should I leave him – so I left him, I walked out while he placed a loaded shot gun in his mouth, pushing my baby’s pram in front of me I got stronger with every step. I didn’t care if he blew his head off, all I knew was that no matter what happened my life was going to change, I was in charge of me again.

The result – I stood strong, he went to rehab and came out four years ago today and we are now one of the happiest couples ever. It was hard but it can be done.

8 thoughts on “Reaching Rock Bottom”

  1. It’s so refreshing to hear that there is a chance that a post-abuse relationship has a chance of survival. I’ve not given up totally, but I know that; if this carries on for much longer, I’ll have to leave in order to get my life and sanity back.

    I really hope the healing continues for you!

  2. thank you for your words of encouragement. I have been dealing with my boyfriends alcoholism for five years now, i have left him twice, I returned both times because I had know where to go and I need support finacially. the truth is I do truly love him.
    He stopped drinking for 3 months when I returned to him then started drinking again after being laided off his job.
    He has been a support to me with my mental illness, having a bi polar disorder is difficult to cope with let alone dealing with his, He refuses to get help for himself. randy of course is in denial. I know he loves me and when he is not drinking he is a pretty great guy. but it is not enough. and I wonder if sticking it out is worth it.
    I am trying to have a life without constantly worrying about him. I have hope he will get the help he needs before he does permanent damage to himself and to our relationship.
    i try to stay focused on my own recovery and finding joy in the everyday beauty of life.
    I want to heal from the pain his disease has brought to both of us.
    thank you for giving me hope.

  3. I have been going through the same thing over the last 7 years. My husband lies, breaks promises, drinks, smokes, chews tobacco no matter if we can pay our bills or not and no matter what our three kids need. He consistently goes to work each day, but when he comes home he drinks until he passes out and the way he treats me and the games he plays (pretending he will go kill himself) is just beyond ridiculous and discouraging. If I am honest with myself I would say that I know our relationship will not work, and i know he will never stop being an alcoholic. Our relationship and lack of trust issues will not heal, because he won’t change. One week he will say he wants to stop drinking and then a few days later he is drunk and calling me horrible names, slamming doors, threatening his life, drunk driving, etc… The only reasons I stay are for my three children (who unfortunately witness some of this behavior but still don’t want to leave their daddy) and because I have been a stay at home mom for the last 7 years and a full-time student with a bachelors degree, but cannot find a job that will pay me enough to support my kids if I leave. I feel so hopeless and helpless. Other people don’t understand what I am going through…what my children are going through. I know we aren’t going to last, and I keep looking for a job, don’t have any friends or other places to go…it all is so hard. I don’t want to enable him and I know I do just that by staying. If I do leave I will be leaving for good. I don’t want this life. I don’t want an alcoholic for a husband or the primary male role model in my children’s lives. I pray that God will provide me with an answer, the job I need, the home to move to, etc…

  4. This a wonderful article. I just left the alcoholic I was living with for four years I literally ran with the clothes on my back now at 52 I am left to rebuild and start again . It was only a week ago so this is very new not being a caregiver. I was getting as sick as he was. My last vision of him was being handcuffed and put in a ambulance after a suicide attempt. That night the hospital called me and I asked them not call again that was the hardest thing I ever done.He has had rehab after rehab however he doesnt want the help .The most painful word I had to learn was no!!! I pray for him everyday however the last thing I would allow him to take was my sanity.Once I stopped blaming him and realized these were choices I made . Now I can to begin to recover. I know its not always a option to leave .In my case we were both older with no children together. I pray every night for him. This his journey and for the first time since he was 17 he must find his way alone.

    1. Exactly!!Maggie (I think you said your name was Maggie?) you are a great example of the strength we need sometimes to do what is right for us. You are so right – at some point we all have to stop blaming the alcoholic for the choices WE make. The alcoholic has to reach rock bottom before they surrender to the fact that they can’t drink, those living with the alcoholic sometimes have to reach rock bottom too before they realise they have to take back control of their life. If he has been in rehab again and again but is still thinking he can drink, then he probably hadn’t reached rock bottom. Maybe because you were always there to pick the pieces and keep life manageable while he continued living the way he chose to. Maybe you leaving will be the rock bottom he needs. This does not mean you have to go back to him if he gets sober – it means you can both start again seperately. You have taken the first steps to do this. Without being patronising can I say well done? Please do write again and tell us how you are doing in your journey.xx

  5. How does a 66 year old mother that lives by herself hit rock bottom before she kills herself.
    I as the daughter walked away a few years back. She did come live with me for the last 2mths and she went straight back to her house with the intention to start an argument and start drinking.
    She just told me as she got out of hospital today she would come back to my house (with every excuse under the sun not to thou) and I should have listened to myself…… She said please book my bus and plane ticket which I did on my credit card for her to ring and tell me she is not coming.
    She will die alone as she locks the house up so no one can enter and yes she expects everyone to revolve around her.
    Do her lawns, get her food etc etc. I am back in my state now and hopefully my brothers who did not do much for her in the first place will not enable her now by doing her lawns or falling for guilt trips.
    So sad that someone has destroyed so many people.
    Alcohol is pure evil to many :(

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