One Day At A Time

I haven’t written since August and it seems a world away. We went through areally tough time, he was suicidal. I spent several days and nights on suicide watch. The thing is when an alcoholic sobers up for a day or few hours they feel so guilty about everything they have said or done they get extremely low, they hate themselves and then they drink to deaden the pain they feel inside.

We went to the counsellor again at the Rehab centre he had been to 4 years previous. I had held it together until I walked through the door. i suppose I felt safe there, I felt ‘Thank God we are here now where people understand and I can share the burden’, so I broke down and couldn’t stop crying. Not big emmotional whailing or anything just quiet sobing! I know I felt like doing this for days so it was just a release in a place I felt I could do it without making him feel more guilty and low. Anyway they felt he needed to go in somewhere to detox safely and once he came to terms with what had to be done to hold us together as a family (ie. stop drinking again) we were refered to a psychiatric hospital. We went and he quickly sobered up with the reality of what was happening. After an hour of waiting the doctor on duty came out and said to him. ‘Do you feel you  are a risk to yourself?’ He ofcourse said ‘no’ and she said they couldn’t take him because he didn’t have a mental health record and they were not a detox clinic – there isn’t one int he region! So   I was on my own again! I said if given the medication I would control it and detox him at home and then go back to hte rehab centre and see what plan we could come up with. So that’s what we did. I took a few days off work and  detoxed him at home. To do this, the aocoholilc has to be committed to giving up – they have to have reached rock bottom. Chicken soup/broth is good – easy on the stomach, warm and filling. The medication stops the drink cravings, helps sleep patterns. Once he was off the drink a week we went back to the rehab centre and he was placed in a recovery group. This is a one night a week meeting for 8 weeks. He didn’t really want to go at first but said he would just to stick to the programme. Next week is his final week. I have my lovely husband back again, it is hard to believe about 10 weeks ago he was a trembiling, suicidal drunken wreck. There is hope guys, the important thing is to stay strong give them support when they are genuinely trying but look after only yourself and your dependents when they are not. And in or out of sobriety, take one day at a time.

4 thoughts on “One Day At A Time”

  1. It’s nice everything worked out for you. I’m the one who is screwed up in our family. So my husband has dumped me. Since he closed our accounts I have no money. Istill need my meds but there’s no money to pay.

  2. I am currently living with an alcoholic. My children and I are so miserable. I feel guilty as a mother having them in this situation. He doesn’t like them and finds fault in everything with all three of us. Everyday my husbands consumes 80-120 ounces of alcohol sometimes hard liguor during the week and knows he has to go to work. He goes but he’s late on the heavy drinking days and I don’t see where he is spending money on the house anymore at all. He only gives enough to cover a bill or two and the rest he wants to keep. We gave my children a dresser for there clothes and he did buy it. Because there was a misunderstanding between my daughter and him he took there dresser out of the room and dumped there clothes on the floor. Now he says he won’t take out any garbage and he wants to cut back on bills. I really want out of this marriage. I have one daughter who is ten eating for comfort and another daughter who is 12 getting skinnier and skinnier and it making me really angry inside. I found this site and I like seems very informative. My husband was not like this when we first got married but something has changed, and I feel like I need to just RUN!

  3. My beloved man has a drinking problem that he can “control” with antabuse and klonopin. Problem is that the klonopin becomes the new problem (as did the Xanex, Valium etc. before the Klonopin) Meanwhile I keep losing the connection that we have when he’s sober. He’s mean, belligerent, numbed out and non-committal. He lies to me constantly and lies to himself. It’s the saddest thing to watch. He was diagnosed with anxiety-depression and so he’s on Cymbalta. He complains that he never feels “right”. He gets so tired out and exhausted from the constant up/down of all the meds. I wish he would go to AA or rehab but he’s not ready to be powerless. So I’m left to detach and move on with my life and some days it’s okay and some days, like today, I’m just heavy with grief. I miss the man he is without the drugs and I’m sad that he’s come this far in his life without the insight needed to get help. It’s breaking my heart today.

  4. I’m so glad I found this site. My story is like so many of these, that I could just “ditto” most of the story in each post. Same old, same old–a wonderful, loving spouse when he’s sober and then a hateful a–h— when he’s drinking.
    I’ve become the controlling co-dependent wife–hiding booze, money, credit cards, car keys and phone (his family and friends are sick and tired of his drinking and dialing habit). He says I’m not his mother and he’s right–but he behaves like an irresponsible child when he has access to any of the above when he’s drinking.
    He begs, badgers and lies to me to get whatever money he can so he can get some booze. And what do I do? I try to give him just enough money to get him off my back but not enough so he can get raging drunk. Then I lock myself in the bedroom so I don’t have to deal with him the rest of the night.
    He’s only a night drinker so he does work and his job is the one that pays most of the bills. He’s self employed, so I do all the bookwork/busy work for the business but I’m not entitled to draw a paycheck from it and it’s not a business we will be able to sell and divide. I also work a couple days a week in an office, but not enough to support myself.
    When I met him I had a condo and a car, both paid off in full. He lived in an apartment. Now we have a house together and our financial lives are just on the edge enough that it will be a near disaster for me if we have to divide everything in a divorce (I’ve asked a lawyer and that is exactly what we will have to do).
    I love everything about the sober him and hate everything about the drunk him. He says he wants to “control” his drinking but not quit entirely–is that even possible. Anyway, he’s obviously not ready yet and evidently I’m not ready to leave yet or I would figure out a way to be gone. We still have some really good days together, but they are getting to be fewer and fewer and I am getting to be more and more bitter and controlling. How long before I don’t love him anymore? Do I want to wait that long and if I do, what will that do to me?

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