New Year = New Hope

Lovers and friends of alcoholics tend to dread Christmas and New Year’s Eve. I always did. This year he’s been off the drink for 14 months and life is good for us – real good. However I’m still not having the movie style New Years Eve when everyone clasps hands and sings Auld Langs Syne and looks perfectly in love. He’s not feeling good ‘man flu’ or it could be just memories of past New Years drinking catching up with him. We were supposed to be going to my parent’s and brother’s house but they all have a tummy bug so that was cancelled. I’ve just splashed grease on my good top so changed into my old PJs, the hairdresser went on early holidays so my roots haven’t been done in 8 weeks and I look like a scarecrow and the dog just threw up… but himself is sober and the house is calm and my kids are healthy… I sometimes feel frustrated that life is not like it is in the movies but then I think back as to how it used to be and how happy we are now.

It’s not like the movies. It’s real, he’s sober, we are genuinely happy. There is hope for you too, because we were where you are now. Hang in there, there is a new year ahead and new hope. So whatever you are going through tonight, the despair, the sadness, the anxiety, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, 2013 is going to be the year that you start living your life again – it can’t get worse, it can only get better! xx Happy New Year friend.

8 thoughts on “New Year = New Hope”

  1. Stop watching movies! The Norman Rockwell Prints are posed! Real life is never as neat and pretty. There are a few people who actually do the things every year that everyone is supposed to do every year–the rest of us muddle through the best we can and get somewhere close once every 15 or 20 years.

    My husband is bipolar, not alcoholic, but we live in the same “real” world that you do. I’ve given up expecting a “normal” holiday and decided that if we get through the holidays without someone ending up unemployed, in jail or in the hospital, we’re living the dream.

    Glad to hear you’re doing so well.

  2. some times is too late. after living with my boyfriend and father of my daughter for almost 4 years the morning our 1 year old little girl took the bottle of wine(luckily she didn’t drink) i went to see the doctors cos as much as i love him i was so worry about wot my girls were seeing so the doctor told me to move out to go with some family or friends and maybe like that he will wake up but after 2 month out, fighting everytime we were talking on the phone cause for him drinking was nothing bad,even if the doctors told us many times all the damage it was causing in his body. but i love him so much that like many other times he told me he will now stop drinking and want us to go bk home it was too late.he died before i got there and now even if the doctors said the damage was already done wot if…

    1. Hi Sandra, I am so sorry I could not get back to you earlier, I lost the password to my blog account. I read your message the time you submitted it and my heart went out to you. There is no what if, if you had of been there he would have passed on anyway as the long term damage was done. I was in the same dilemma with my sister, she died too from drinking 7 years ago. She used to say she wasn’t as bad as my husband when it came to drinking. She died, he survived. Drink tolerence is different for everyone. If you had of been there he would have continued drinking. You did what was right for your children and took them out of a bad situation. They are lucky to have such a caring and loving mother. I wish you and your daughters all the best with your future.xx

  3. Oh, the enlightenment! My boyfriend and I have been broke up now for 6 weeks. In the first month I thought I would die. I have researched and read and read and read…….and I hear you! I am working on all of it. I found that I was codependent…..but boy did he make it flourish! It became a perpetual nightmare for both of us. I saw him for the first time a week ago, to him what I had discovered, and I apologized for my part in it. Told him I loved him, and wanted to work it out…..slowly. He said he wanted to too, but yet he has not taken any responsibility for his part. I am sure he has thought about it, but he says “I want to be single for a while because I don’t know if I am cut out for relationships”. My take, his relationships all end the same way because of his selfishness and drinking, his words without the drinking part. It’s always their fault of course. He says all of his relationships only last 2 years, ours 4, and he has never loved anyone like he has loved me. I have only seen him once since, and haven’t talk to him in three days. I know he loves me, and I struggle with the questions of whether he will ever be able to “figure it out”. He has moved in with his buddy and they live in a frat house. He is 49, I am 46. I think it’s a little too old to be playing these games and am trying to give him time and work on finding myself. Everyday that goes by I realize I am not that crazy lady that was living in hell. He is a functioning alcoholic, he hasn’t gotten to the point of pissing himself yet…if you know what I mean. He is full of excuses, lies, justifies, undependable, friends and fun come first. Work and fun and is surrounded by it. How will he ever be able to get away from it …..or see what he is doing? I think he wants to include me, he wants to be with me. He said “I don’t want to feel obligated” three days ago…….what the hell does that mean. I want my cake and eat it too? I haven’t talked to him since. I want to give him a chance but it seems hopeless that he might never come around. At this point I don’t know what to expect? Will he call? How long will it take? And what the hell do I say? Or do? I am not willing to fall back into that nightmare. Is that what he is hoping? Or is he in such denial…..and willing to just walk away? I know I need to move on in many ways, all the things you have mentioned fun, old friends and am doing that, but I love him and want him in my life, but how do I do that, without sacrificing myself again? Do you understand?

    1. Hi Deb! How are you doing ? I haven’t been on the blog for a while (I lost the password!) but I have been reading each post as they come in. I hope it’s not too late to respond. It sounds like your college boy doesn’t want to grow up! He’s 49, living in a frat house, isn’t ready to commit and probably still plays drinking games. HE’s 49! I learnt something in rehab (my husband went to a rehab center where they did weekly education and counselling for the families which was very helpful) – drinkers minds stop at age they started drinking seriously – so your 49 year old still thinks he is 19. My guy was a 45 year old, 15 year old! The turning point of when the fun stops and things get sloppy happens very quickly and taking your guy’s age into account and the number of years he’s been drinking it will probably happen within the next 5 years, then it will probably another 5 years of him in denial. I know I am being general here but do you really want to wait that long for someone to grow up? It sounds like you have a dependance on him – this is natural as he has been part of your life for so long. My advise is appreciate your own life – every moment is precious – take control of it (you are already doing this and doing it so well) stop waiting on him to decide how your life will go. You are right, he want’s life to be the way it was – he wants his cake and eat it too. I think it is time to draw a line under the episode that included him and leave your heart open to finding a ‘grown up’ man. Do let us know where you are at in your journey.

  4. Nope, this site hasn’t helped me. My problem was living with two manic depressive chain smoking alcoholics with severe mental problems and hygiene issues. Sleeping with cats never using the washroom, vomiting over the house, taking pills with wine, wine for breakfast lunch and all the time, smoking all the time, arguing all the time and defecating all over the house becoming ill and being returned by the hospital all the time to vomit more. and lie with pus filled leg Solution is .. move out I think…

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