Little steps to Sobriety

We went to see the counsellor in the rehab centre and had a good heart to heart talk. It can really help to bring in a third person who knows what they are talking about in these situations.  Yesterday was his first day without drink again and he is going to see the counsellor on a weekly basis. Fingers crossed!

3 thoughts on “Little steps to Sobriety”

  1. I just came about this page as things have yet again came to a head and thought leaving this message would be in a way some sort of therapy and getting it all out as i haven’t been able to speak to anyone about this honestly.

    I have been with my partner on and off for 4 years. I believe that he is the true love of my life ( there lies the first problem). We live quite a distance away from each other and due to work he hasnt officially moved in but spends 3 days one and week and four the next with me.

    When we first met, i did initially think it was slightly strange to be drinking maybe 3 bottles of wine every evening ( i dont drink much myself). I reasoned the drinking with the fact that we only spent a few days with each other and it felt like we were on holiday. During the first year, D would come and go, disappearing for weeks and then i would let him back in. It was probably just over 2 years ago that he admitted to me during an online conversation that he was an alcoholic and seeking help. It was a short while after that, that he visited again. During the last year we have shared some amazing times together, but there has also been times when he hasnt come to mine for his 4 days. During these times he doesnt get in touch until after 4 or 5 days and tells me has been drinking. Throughout this time i believe i have always been supportive and understand that he doesnt drink because he doesnt love me and know it’s because he is sick. But i dont ever confront him about the effects this is having on me. I am scared of losing him. I worry that he is ok, i worry about our future, i worry about the effect it might have on my son. I worry that we might not have a future. At the moment i havent heard from him in 4 days. One of the most frustrating things for me is that i can drop in on him to see if he is alright, demand answers. By the time i see him he will have been sober for a couple of days and i just want to make the most of the time we have together. Im angry with myself for being 33 and a strong woman to be allowing him to make me feel this way.

    I need some advice

  2. I have been with my alcoholic partner for 7 years. During that time, he has had 2 sober stints. The first time was after he experienced withdrawal seizures, he managed to not drink for 4 days and we were travelling half-way across the world for 2 of those days. The second time was after really hitting rock bottom and he ended up in hospital with Withdrawal seizures again. He received some councilling that time round but gave up on it fairly early. He did really well for about 18 months and stayed sober but very slowly over the last year, he started drinking again.
    Things finally came to a head and I left him back in May. He then spent the next 4 months making my life a misery, with abusive phone calls, guilt-ridden phone calls and dramatic acts of desperation. He has been sober now for about a month and due to financial reasons, I had to move back to our house (with him still there). Everyday he would breakdown and tell me how he loved me and wanted me back. It broke my heart. I love him so much but I can’t be with him because I could never bring a child into such a unpredictable relationship.
    The part that hurts the most is that, 2 weeks ago he met someone else and has now moved in with her. He is now in love and is back to making my life a misery by blaming all his problems on me. I know that I am not to blame for his alcoholism but it is so hard to not take it all on board. It now feels like, he never loved me and I was just being played for a fool the whole time. I feel like he has destroyed me and now he doesn’t have to deal with any of the fall-out from our relationship and the mess he has made. That makes me so angry.
    I know I have to really spend some time on working through the hurt and anger but that makes me feel guilty too. It’s crazy! I hate what he has done but I still love him. Hopefully, one day I won’t.

    1. I happened upon this site and every single word in it is my life. I have lived it and hated it….I love an alcoholic and hate an alcoholic. Please see a counselor, if at all possible, just a few times…..You are not a fool, but you have lived this “part” for so long and been trapped into the same thinking for so long that you may need some help getting out of it. Please, if you have EAP at work, many clinics work with fees-based-on-income.
      You need to find the strength to “get over” this person and, most importantly, NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE with the same type of person again. You might be a person who, for whatever reason, wants to “help” someone or “save” them or whatever things run thru our heads.
      Maybe read” Too good to leave, too bad to stay”….or Co-Dependent No More”….
      How much more can this person do to you? Stop and think, and he will continue this pattern, this dance, the two of you have done for all these years….
      Please think only of yourself, be very selfish….but be strong. I will say a prayer for you….and myself.

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