Christmas Parties with Alcoholic Partner

When you have an alcoholic spouse, Christmas or any other occasion can fill you with dread rather than joy. You dread being invited to work parties that you ‘must’ attend as you fear your partner will get drunk and then behave badly – co workers laugh it off as once off behaviour but little do they know that you are cringing inside as this is the behaviour you put up with on a regular basis. Or else you turn down invitations when you’d prefer to be socializing and celebrating the season and all because of that risk of the embarrassment or behaviour you expect your alcoholic partner to cause. My alcoholic husband wasn’t much into socializing, he was a home drinker. He liked to drink alone and not have his drinking interrupted by visitors. Even so Christmas gave him licence to fill shopping trollies full of booze because ‘it’s Christmas and people will be calling in’. My husband didn’t like to go to parties, friend’s houses or anywhere away from the home in the evening – he would much rather ‘relax’ at home. Why? Because he couldn’t drink the same amount elsewhere, the measures were too small or he would say he couldn’t enjoy a drink because he had to drive. This excuse wouldn’t stop him drinking at home and driving afterwards but it was a good excuse not to go socializing with me. The few times he did go out with me, he would have a soft drink and then would start hinting that we needed to go – it was getting late and who ever was minding our children would be tired, or he forgot to feed the dog or whatever – it wasn’t because he had a bottle of vodka or whiskey waiting to be drunk on the kitchen counter.

How did I cope? I usually went to parties, weddings, etc. alone. Though it wouldn’t have been my first choice to attend alone and I often longed to have my husband with me when other couples would be laughing or dancing together. When I had first envisioned what my life with this man would be like, I hadn’t suspected I’d be dreading Christmas and attending parties on my own. But then, I had never suspected my life would one day be so changed and sculpted by my husband’s alcoholism.

Now that he is sober we are starting to socialize more together – friends come over and we go with the kids to friends houses. For the first time in 11 years we are hiring in a babysitter tonight so we can go out together! We are going to my work Christmas dinner and for the first time I feel relaxed in his company while out with friends – but I will still keep my own independent social life that I have built over the years. Why? because I enjoy it now and it is important to me to keep the independence I have spent so long building.

To all of you still living with an active drinker my heart goes out to you, but keep in mind there can be light at the end of the tunnel and things can work out.

One thought on “Christmas Parties with Alcoholic Partner”

  1. I have been with my alcoholic partner for 7 yrs. When we met he had been a recovering alcoholic for 8 years…I belived his promises that he would NEVER start drinking again….3 yrs into the relationship he started drinking an occasional glass of wine with dinner. It gradually built up to more and more on the week ends and special dinner occasions, parties etc..resluting into heavy binge drinking alone, sneaking and hiding the alcohol…. when I would confront him about it he would look me streight in the eye and lie and say he had not been drinking but smoking pot………at first I wanted to beleive him because he is a wonderful man when NOT drinking but the opposite when he is..Our realtionship has been up & down and I have asked him to leave my home for good ..he has agreeded, but is now acting like nothing has ever happened. I am standing my ground..I NO LONGER WANT TO BE WITH AN ALCOHOLIC…what is my next step to getting him out ..I own my home, we are not married.

Comments are closed.