One thing that helped me was to get involved with Al-Anon meetings. You get to meet people who understand what you’re struggling with to call on. They can recommend books to read that can guide you through tough situations and help you grow as a person. You get to learn to take care of you, and not suffer the results of the alcoholics choices. To locate a meeting http://www.al-anon-alateen.org click on “Find a Meeting.”
It will take you to local sites that list meeting schedules.
Decide to take steps to feel good again. Remember feeling good? Relaxed? Not on edge? What you’ll find fascinating, is your reactions to verbal abuse and disapointment change. It’s as if, the more you learn and concentrate on becoming the person YOU want to be, the less upset you’ll be about impending bad behaviour, and it gets easier and easier to blow off. I came to the conclusion that I could have a satisfactory life without my alcoholic partner meeting any of my expectations and I stopped feeling the need to treat him badly or like a child anymore. By developing yourself and growing stronger on the inside you will be more ready to decide to stay with him/her and you will no longer feel miserable as you will be in charge of your own life. Sit down with a pen and paper and make a list of all the things you want to achieve in life (EVERYTHING no matter how strange or unlikely!) Read it aloud once in the morning and once before you go to sleep at night. Concentrate on it. Without any other effort you will find subtle changes happening in your life which lead you to fulfil your goals. It works – try it!
They say that before an alcoholic can reverse their ways they have to reach rock bottom. I think the same goes for the spouse, partner or the loved ones of the alcoholic. My rock bottom was when my husband crashed the car with our one-year-old son in it, I had already decided to leave him earlier that day but the crash gave me the final push and strength I needed to stick by my decision. If it hadn’t happened maybe he would have persuaded me like all the other times that things were going to change. T
he crash stopped me softening to his threats of suicide should I leave him – so I left him, I walked out while he placed a loaded shot gun in his mouth, pushing my baby’s pram in front of me I got stronger with every step. I didn’t care if he blew his head off, all I knew was that no matter what happened my life was going to change, I was in charge of me again.
The result – I stood strong, he went to rehab and came out four years ago today and we are now one of the happiest couples ever. It was hard but it can be done.