Alcoholic Partner and Gossip

Sometimes we can become obsessed by other people’s problems and drama. By talking about it to others our own life problems seem trivial, ‘at least my life is not that bad.’ It also can give us comfort that other people’s lives are not perfect. We do this because we have a low opinion of ourselves. If you find yourself doing this stop and ask yourself and ask ‘what is going on with my life?’

When someone insults you, criticizes you or points out faults they believe you have, it can make you feel low and you can believe them. If someone tells you that you have two heads for long enough you could actually begin to believe it. If everyone you meet points out that you have two heads you should have a look in the mirror! What one person tells you may not be fact or correct, that is why it is important to reach out to others and explore the limiting beliefs one person has made you feel about yourself. By doing this we can shed these negative views we have of ourselves and start exploring the real us. When we have been treated with cruel words for years, it is easy for us to do the same to others. For a short period it can make us feel better about ourselves.

Other peoples limiting behavior does not mean we have to drop our standards. Learning to take responsibility does not only mean take responsibility for your actions but also your words. By changing this behavior you are forming another part of yourself that you can be proud of. This has a knock on effect because you start to feel good about yourself and people who feel genuinely good about themselves no longer feel the need to assault other people’s character, that includes our alcoholic partner.

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2 thoughts on “Alcoholic Partner and Gossip”

  1. He makes me sooooo angry, I feel like I want to explode and yes, my defense mechanism is snide, hurtful comments…… I figure he never remembers anyway. I have of late, been keeping my mouth shut and I just go to bed. It seems a tad unfair that I have to put up with his shit and I can’t lash out at him in frustration, but I am slowly learning (after 10 years, I’m 33) that there is no need to add fuel to the fire…..I only end up making it worse for myself because I remember everything he says…. vicious cycle

  2. onelittlestranger – I am 52 and living with my alcoholic husband of 26 years. I can describe my last thirty years in this way – in my 20’s I cried and screamed and begged and was heart broken and depressed. Thinking – once we get married, he will change. In my 30’s, I swore, screamed, hated, resented, said mean and hurtful things. Thinking – once we have a family, he will change. His various forms of abuse only intensified. In my 40’s I decided I no longer cared and simply was too tired to do the above. I was raising three children without a participating partner – in fact, a partner who rather than lessing the load just added dramatically to it. Yes, we had managed to find enough peace along the way to conceive and bring children into world. Somewhere in that decade, I learned to detach. But guess what? When you detach from an alcoholic spouse (who you are supposed to have sex with) – it’s pretty darned hard to reattach. I grew colder, more distant – just living in the space around my husband, not with him. That was until he started mixing it up with my oldest son. I returned to the screaming, hater.

    Nothing I’ve done, obviously, works. As a person who can look back at the stage you are in, my advice is to be drastic. The more drastic his consequences (wife has left, only an empty, dark house waiting for him – maybe his children under a different roof), the more likely he is to seek help. If you still love him, know that he will remain in this ugly mess as long as he can depend on you and his mind will deteriorate – along with his body. My husband is 52 and acts like an old man. It’s very pathetic.

    I had my reasons for not leaving but I regret it. Maybe if I had left when he was in his 30’s, he would be well now. He was a good person and I have to live with the thought that if I had left, it might have saved him -even if it was so he could find a life with someone else.

    I actually had a plan in place when I was pregnant with my third child that as soon as I was back on my feet, I was going to move out. My third child died during delivery. As you can imagine, that set everything off and I needed him to get out of bed in the morning. He was kind and actually seemed to care about me during that time and we conceived again. His compassion for me was short-lived.

    If you have not had children, don’t think having them will force him to grow up and take responsibility. You will just be subjecting others to the hell you live in. I feel differently after reading “Been There’s” book. I have a plan and I will execute it – not sure how long it will take but I will somehow manage. Please don’t kid yourself.

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