Are you living or loving someone who has an alcohol problem? Do you feel you have tried everything to make them stop but are left feeling exhausted and desperate? Then hopefully this website will help.
Hi, My name is Lilly Laine, I’m a professional 39-year-old mother of two and author of Action Plan for Living With An Alcoholic which is to be published by Magic Oxygen Publishing in March 2014. I have been living with the love of my life (my husband) for 20 years. He’s a chronic alcoholic and finally went into rehab in 2004. He had a few ‘slips’ (I hate that word!) but has been fully sober for over four years.
I have had friends and close family die as a result of alcohol so I know how devastating living with an alcoholic can be. It is such a hidden problem for so many families. By developing a set of techniques and focusing on ‘my recovery’ I now live a very happy, hopeful life. Everyday is a new day and I live it to the full. I have been writing a blog since 2007 about living with an alcoholic and I have had tremendous feedback (thank you all!), my book and workshops are a result of that.
Hopefully this website will help you if you are in a similar situation.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write and let me firstly say that I am truly sorry that you or anyone else have the need to visit such sites as this, and I’m saying that with all my heart. I started blogging about the topic about 7 years ago as a way of keeping my own sanity while my husband was drinking. I felt isolated and wanted to vent my anger and frustration. I found or developed different methods to cope and get through the challenges of my reactions to his behaviour and as time went on I shared these in the blog. So the blog started out as a first person account of the different steps I took while living with an alcoholic. My aim was never to achieve journalism excellence or to write a book about it. Thankfully my husband has now been alcohol free for over 4 years.
Unfortunately, I know too well addiction is not just a male problem. My only sister died from alcohol 7 years ago – she was a beautiful mother to two children and had a high powered job, so for years she, like my husband, was a high-functioning alcoholic. However, I have found all alcoholics start out the same, they work, socialise, function and everyone thinks they are great until they get behind closed doors and only those living with them experience the real affects of their drinking. Eventually this mask begins to slip and then it crashes. The final years of my sister’s life were pure hell. I don’t write about it here because as an adult, I didn’t live in the same house as her, I could walk away from her behaviour and go to my own home. A very different ‘skill set’ is needed when living in the same house as an alcoholic and it is the same whether your partner is male or female. This blog/site/book is not about how you can help alcoholic loved ones, it is about how you can help yourself and live a more fulfilled life while living with a drinking partner.
PLEASE NOTE: For consistency purposes, throughout the blog/site and book, I refer to the alcoholic as ‘your partner’. This can mean boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.
I also refer to the alcoholic you are living with as ‘he’. I fully acknowledge that alcoholism is a major issue for women, too and that the ‘he’ referral is used purely for ease of reading, but can be substituted for ‘she’ when applicable.